Is it really worth it??

Warning: Extremely long.
Life has been super crazy lately. I am having a hard time being positive. I feel like I am climbing a mountain and when I look to see where the top is, it is at the same place as it was when I started this newest hardship. I feel like I am putting all my energy and effort into climbing it and I am doing it completely alone. It is at this time that I want to completely give up. Is all this crap I have to deal with really worth it?

I haven't exactly had an easy life. It was because of my stupidity that that was the case. Yes I know if I had listen to my parents that my life would have been extremely different. I would have had hardships but they would have been completely different. Because of the life I have lived I feel like I have to be strong, never cry, never ask for help. I can do everything myself. Because of all stupid things I have done, all the crazy things I have seen, I feel like I owe it to someone to help change their life (whoever that someone may be). Because of this I cannot possibly fail at anything anymore. I want to show them you can succeed after you screw up.

I know my Heavenly Father loves me. "I didn't say it would be easy. I only said it would be worth it." These words from him keep popping up in my head these last months as I ride this roller coaster ride. But is it honestly worth it??? I am having a hard time believing it is. I know I have been blessed more than I deserve, but sometimes I feel like I am doing this without him. Where is he when I need him most? Deep down I know he is there, I just hate feeling alone.

Sorry I am complaining so much, that is not the purpose of this post. I wanted to write a list of everything that makes it worth it. Because I have been blessed so much I know it is worth it, I just need to remind myself.

Dustin, my other half. I love when he hugs and kisses me. I feel safe is his arms. He is an awesome Dad, and would do anything for his kids. He makes me laugh all the time. He knows when I just need a hug. He can read me like a book, which is good cause most the time it is hard for me to express myself. I have never felt uncomfortable around him. I love that he is my best friend.

Zoey, my little princess. I love hanging out with her and seeing how much she is like me. I love singing songs with her and watching her dance. I love the "grown up" conversations she has with people, it is so funny. She is beautiful!! She is a fun and healthy almost 5 year old. She is the BEST big sister in the world.

Zaylor, my handsome buddy. He has me wrapped around his little finger. He makes me feel loved and important. He makes me melt when he smiles. In his short little life he has brought our family closer together, especially Zoey and I. He is the most beautiful baby I have ever seen.

My Parents have always been there for me. No matter how stupid I have been I have never felt like I wasn't loved. They are the best example of love I know. I have never seen my parents fight or argue, EVER! I know I can always call my Mom and laugh, cry, complain, or just talk. I will always get off the phone with some sort of words of wisdom and feeling a little better. My Dad always has made me feel like I am better person than I think I am. He makes me feel like I deserve the world, something that has been hard for me to grasp. I feel safe when I am with them.

Doug and Julie have always made me feel like a daughter. They love my kids so much, I love watching them be Grandma and Grandpa with them. They always have good words of wisdom when I need it. Julie is a great example of a self less person. Doug is one of the hardest working guys I know. They have always and continue to make me feel very loved.

All my sibling are always there when I need them. I love the relationships I have with every single one of them. I have always felt like they care about me and my happiness. I know I can cry, laugh, and act like a kid with them. I am pretty sure that I have the best siblings there is (in-laws included).

My neighborhood is AMAZING!! The people here would drop anything they were doing to help us. They have made me feel extremely loved. If I ever had to sell my house I would cry. I feel safe is this neighborhood. I feel like I am home here.

My job is the best. What makes it the best is my boss, he is wonderful in every sense of the word. He has done everything in his power to help me. I have never had a boss actually care about my well-being like he does. I feel like a little sister to him, like he would do anything to protect me. I love the girls I work with. Some of my best friends have come from my job. Marie, Joy, Ally, Norah, and Terry are some of the coolest girls around. These girls have definitely changed my life in more than one way. They always have good advice, and there is definitely never a dull moment.

The gospel has given me a sense of peace I thought I would never had. I am so thankful for my Savior, for the pain he has suffered on my behalf. For the power of the atonement and the ginormous change it has made in my life. No one makes me feel the way I do when I feel him around me. I know he sees me as perfect even if I don't. I know he will always love me even when my faith falters.

I could go on and on but I am pretty sure this is already way to long. These are just some of the most important things to me. Writing this list has made me feel very very blessed, very loved by my Heavenly Father. Is it worth it? At the moment, Hell yeah it is!!